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I’m so pleased to post this\u00a0recent interview with <\/em>April Koontz<\/a>, creator of \u00a0<\/em>DaughtersUnite<\/a><\/span>,\u00a0“a place where daughters can turn for streamlined information and support from other daughters who have already walked this journey.” April’s\u00a0open and honest story\u00a0is one that many of us can relate to\u00a0as we care for a family member, or two, or three. And I love her belief in the collective wisdom and knowledge that we can share to support and encourage\u00a0each other. I also want to thank April for the beautiful\u00a0illustration\u00a0she designed especially\u00a0for this piece. It’s a true reflection of warmth and spirit.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n _________________<\/p>\n You\u2019ve mentioned before that identifying as a caregiver came as a surprise to you. \u00a0What were the circumstances when you first realized that you were a caregiver?<\/em> \u00a0I\u00a0was the primary caregiver for my younger brother who suffered from severe bipolar disorder and polysubstance addiction for over 15 years prior to his sudden unintentional overdose in 2010. During his illness I\u00a0never once\u00a0identified as\u00a0his\u00a0\u201cprimary caregiver\u201d. The term was never brought up by any of his treatment providers and it’s actually not a term that is used as much in the mental health arena. All\u00a0I\u00a0knew at the time was that\u00a0I\u00a0was his sister who happened\u00a0to have a Masters Degree in Social Work and knew better than anyone else in my family how to navigate the mental health system. Five years after my brother\u2019s death, my mom\u2019s sister (my aunt) who lived in St Louis and\u00a0was the primary caregiver for her husband (my uncle) who had Alzheimer\u2019s, fell and broke her ankle. It was Christmas Eve and my aunt and uncle had no children and were fairly isolated because of my uncle\u2019s hoarding disorder. Subsequently, my mom and\u00a0I flew from Raleigh to St Louis the day after Christmas to provide as much support as we could. When we arrived, we realized there was no way the two of them could continue to safely live in their home. Within two months, we moved them across the country which was truly the most monumental job\u00a0I\u2019ve ever had in my entire life. My aunt has a multitude of chronic medical conditions herself so establishing medical providers,\u00a0transferring their Medicare and actually providing\u00a0\u2018hands on\u2019 care to both of them in addition to managing the sell of their home, cars and financial accounts was indescribably stressful. It was during this time that\u00a0I was exposed to the\u00a0\u2018primary caregiver\u2019 label and the plethora of caregiving resources and support available. The issue then was there was so much information that\u00a0I was completely overwhelmed again.<\/span><\/p>\n What has been the most difficult part of caregiving? What has been the most positive?<\/em> The most difficult part was the all-consuming nature of it. My mind was completely hi-jacked by every aspect of two other people\u2019s lives including their physical and emotional health needs, their legal and financial needs and their 1800 square feet of wall-to-wall\u00a0\u2018stuff\u2019. For two years\u00a0I\u00a0was sorting through mounds of bank accounts, IRAs, credit cards, life insurance policies, subscriptions, prescriptions, utility accounts, car titles and filling out new patient forms for every new provider each one of them established treatment with\u00a0\u2013\u00a0which\u00a0was a total of at least eight. Oh, and the grocery shopping, rides to and from their medical appointments, coordinating their care with their specific providers, picking up their prescriptions and\u00a0remembering to have them refilled, bathing them,\u00a0cleaning up their incontinence episodes, figuring out why their TV\u00a0wouldn\u2019t turn on or why their Internet was down and rushing over\u00a0when one of them would fall. My uncle died of a sudden heart attack three months\u00a0after their move which was definitely a blessing in disguise since his\u00a0Alzheimer\u2019s was worsening\u00a0\u2013\u00a0however,\u00a0I was then tasked with managing all of the activities that go along with a person\u2019s death.<\/p>\n The most positive part was that I knew I was supposed to be helping them. The day my aunt called to say she had fallen and broken her ankle, I felt compelled \u2013 like I was being divinely nudged<\/em> \u2013 to go help them. Throughout the process\u00a0I\u2019ve learned that stepping in as a primary caregiver can often be a very sacred experience. For me, it was about the human experience of walking along side a person during their darkest hours. Even though there have been many days\u00a0that I\u2019ve questioned where I\u2019d find the strength and\u00a0perseverance to make it\u00a0through the day \u2013\u00a0it\u2019s somehow\u00a0<\/em>always been there.\u00a0Another incredibly positive aspect has been what\u00a0I’ve learned and the amazing \u00a0tribe of caregivers out there who have been transformed by their own caregiving experience and want nothing more than to help others.<\/p>\n What would your advice be to someone who is new to this journey?<\/em>\u00a0Get armed with knowledge. Get real about who you are and what you value most in your day to day life.\u00a0Get connected with others who have walked or are currently walking this journey. And, last, but not least, get clear on your personal\u00a0boundaries. The last one is a huge one. We\u2019re often thrown into the role of\u00a0\u2018caregiver\u2019 as a result of a crisis. Our loved one falls or has a stroke or is diagnosed with cancer or dementia, etc. and we\u2019re flooded with emotions and adrenaline that fuels our desire for action to help in any way we can. This is a great gift, but, it\u2019s not sustainable over the long-haul. If we jump in with both feet without having established a support network ahead of time that can fill in when we need rest\u00a0\u2013\u00a0we burn out very quickly. And there\u2019s nothing worse than experiencing caregiver burnout. It\u2019s exhausting, depressing, anxiety producing and leads to our own serious health issues.<\/p>\n What\u2019s the biggest challenge facing caregivers, today?<\/em> From my experience, caregiving happens in stages and there are challenges in each stage, but the biggest challenge is not being prepared. We\u2019re not taught (at least in the U.S.) about\u00a0how to embrace\u00a0\u2013\u00a0much less, face the fact that if we don\u2019t die suddenly we\u2019ll all eventually get sick and die. As a result, we don\u2019t take the time to think through and plan for how we\u2019ll manage the caregiving duties we all<\/strong> will eventually face in our lifetime. There is no getting around it. Unless we\u2019re complete loners who live in the wilderness or extraordinarily wealthy and can hire a\u00a0personal staff of caregivers we\u2019ll eventually end up in the caregiver role in some way, shape or form. We also don\u2019t think\u00a0about who will care for us and the demands our caregiving needs will have one\u00a0those we love.\u00a0I was deeply struck by a question a dear friend of mine named George Fuller, the founder of Silver Compassion asked me:\u00a0\u201cWho in your life will change your diapers?\u201d. That\u2019s a profound question and speaks to the need to\u00a0think ahead and actually have these types of conversations with our core people in our lives. If you don\u2019t want a loved one changing your diapers then you better save enough money to ensure that doesn\u2019t happen. The reality is most of us won\u2019t be able to financially afford 24\/7 professional care and someone we know and love will fill this role. Who will that be for you? Whose diapers will you agree to change?<\/p>\n What made you want to create Daughters Unite?<\/em> What\u2019s your vision for Daughters Unite moving forward?<\/em>\u00a0In June 2015,\u00a0I\u00a0was sitting in a continuing education seminar about elder law. At one point, the attorney who was facilitating the seminar starting\u00a0talking about the fact\u00a0that it\u2019s typically the daughter who ends up in the primary caregiver role for the family. On average, the daughter is 49 years old, employed, married and, according to one Metlife study, experiences a negative inheritance of $324,000 due to giving up promotions, moving to part-time hours or leaving the workforce altogether.\u00a0I was completely stunned.\u00a0I had managed my brother\u2019s care, moved my aunt and uncle across country and have aging parents who I\u2019m certain will need my help at some point down the road. It was at that point that\u00a0I decided\u00a0I needed to somehow pull my fellow\u00a0daughters together. Since launching Daughters Unite,\u00a0I\u2019ve now realized three very important things: 1) Daughters don\u2019t recognize themselves as caregivers until well into the caregiving process; 2) Since they don\u2019t initially know they\u2019re a caregiver\u00a0\u2013\u00a0they miss the tons of information and support that\u2019s available for them as\u00a0\u201ccaregivers\u201d\u00a0when they need it most; and, 3) There are way more Millennial Daughters in the role of caregiver than we knew existed. That being said, I\u2019ve had the\u00a0privilege of meeting several amazing daughters turned caregivers\u00a0turned entrepreneurs who have written books about their caregiving experience, developed training programs for caregivers and\/or offer caregiving coaching services. The ultimate vision is to build the Daughter Dream Team and introduce the products, programs and services these experienced Daughters have created\u00a0to the Daughters who have yet to realize they either are or will be a caregiver.<\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to lose our other selves when we\u2019re caregiving.\u00a0 Share something about you that is unrelated to the caregiving role.<\/em> I’d say my greatest passion in life is music. Beginning in my teenage years, throughout every decade so far \u2013\u00a0I\u2019ve been singing in rock bands and writing songs.\u00a0I\u2019m actually in the studio right now working on a collection of songs that have really been my saving grace as\u00a0I’ve worked through my grief over the sudden deaths of my 34 year old brother and 53 year old cousin who was a close friend of mine.\u00a0I\u2019m thrilled with\u00a0how\u00a0these songs are turning out from a production standpoint and can\u2019t wait to launch the album.<\/p>\n Artists aren\u2019t the only ones with creative gifts. For some it\u2019s painting, or music. For others its making people feel comfortable or cared for. What\u2019s your gift?<\/em>\u00a0I believe one of my gifts that I’ve noticed as\u00a0I’ve\u00a0gotten older is my ability to show up for people in their darkest hour and actually\u00a0\u2018stay\u2019 with them in their sadness and grief.\u00a0I\u2019m comfortable walking with others through the sudden hospitalization or death of a loved one and helping oversee the detailed arrangements or other logistics that are needed. The ability to do this is actually an incredible gift to me.<\/p>\n April can be reached\u00a0via:<\/p>\n FB: \u00a0https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/daughtertribe\/<\/a><\/p>\n Twitter: \u00a0https:\/\/twitter.com\/DaughtersUnite<\/a><\/p>\n Instagram: \u00a0https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/daughters_unite\/<\/a><\/p>\n