{"id":486,"date":"2016-07-10T16:44:40","date_gmt":"2016-07-10T16:44:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/?p=486"},"modified":"2025-06-02T22:09:02","modified_gmt":"2025-06-02T22:09:02","slug":"ten-things-i-learned-from-caregiving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/2016\/07\/10\/ten-things-i-learned-from-caregiving\/","title":{"rendered":"Ten Things I Learned From Caregiving"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Not being a rainbow and pink unicorn kind of gal, I have to applaud the honesty of Ann Brenoff’s\u00a0recent piece on HuffPost\u00a0entitled, \u201cNo, Caregiving is Not Rewarding. It Simply Sucks.” \u00a0There isn\u2019t a caregiver alive who can\u2019t identify with that kind of bone-deep exhaustion, anger, and frustration.<\/p>\n

Let’s\u00a0face it, if given a choice, we\u2019d rather the people we love remain healthy and vital forever, making this\u00a0role unnecessary. But, that\u2019s not how it happens, which brings me to the point of writing this piece.<\/p>\n

As a family caregiver and working daughter, juggling the demands of a father with dementia and a mother with breast cancer and heart disease, there were often days I questioned my sanity, and ability to keep on. I fantasized about getting my real life back, then instantly felt guilty knowing what that would mean. I was doing too much. I wasn\u2019t doing enough. Compassion fatigue, fractured family dynamics, and issues with paid caregivers often \u00a0stressed me to the max,\u00a0and every ring of my cell phone triggered a fight or flight response.<\/p>\n

Yeah, a lot of it did suck, but there were also moments of clarity, purpose, and deep connection that might never have happened without the accompanying angst.<\/p>\n

This is what I know, for sure.<\/p>\n

1. I believe in kindness, but don’t mess\u00a0with me when my\u00a0parent’s\u00a0well-being is\u00a0at stake.<\/p>\n

2. Digesting\u00a0large\u00a0amounts of medical information quickly? No problem. Hospital food? \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 That’s another story.<\/p>\n

3. Forgive the\u00a0woo-woo, but part of my purpose\u00a0for being here\u00a0was to care for my folks.<\/p>\n

4. Not really\u00a0a crier,\u00a0the kindness of a stranger can still disarm me, every time.<\/p>\n

5. After six years as my parent’s healthcare advocate, there isn’t much that\u00a0intimidates me.<\/p>\n

6. At the end, our\u00a0deepest conversations can\u00a0have\u00a0little to do with words.<\/p>\n

7. Just being with my folks\u00a0was sometimes more important than doing for them.<\/p>\n

8. Whether giving or receiving care, we\u00a0all\u00a0have a deep need to be understood and \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0appreciated.<\/p>\n

9. Laughter and tears can both be ways of dealing with loss.<\/p>\n

10. You can ultimately see caregiving as a gift, and still want to return it now and then.<\/p>\n

Now you know mine. How about sharing a few of your own caregiving truths.<\/p>\n

And by the way, the bird’s nest in this post is a treasured batik, created by my mom, Sally, many years ago.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not being a rainbow and pink unicorn kind of gal, I have to applaud the honesty of Ann Brenoff’s\u00a0recent piece on HuffPost\u00a0entitled, \u201cNo, Caregiving is Not Rewarding. It Simply Sucks.” \u00a0There isn\u2019t a caregiver alive who can\u2019t identify with that kind of bone-deep exhaustion, anger, and frustration. Let’s\u00a0face it, if given a choice, we\u2019d rather […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":508,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=486"}],"version-history":[{"count":86,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":576,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486\/revisions\/576"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/508"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=486"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=486"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.judithdhenry.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=486"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}